Our talk

You will have to read all previous posts to understand our situation now.

I thought the reason for all of this was from him loosing his father and not having a career but I was mistaken. Apparently whatever our earlier discussion was something that I had told him empowered him to step up and finally talk the truth. He told me he wasn't ready to get married and leave his family. He thought things would have worked themselves out but in my opinion sleeping the days away due to stress and setting goals that were never approached didn't help. He made himself a leper in our family and marriage. 

Further discussion lead me to the understanding that he wasn't happy and hasn't been since he came. Feeling of inadequacy from not being able to have our own place to not providing for me to giving me a real wedding ring. Being away from everything he knows and everyone in his family makes it difficult.

After our talk I had cried profusely and he sat next to me in bed doing exactly the same thing. He never wanted to hurt me. What I had thought the talk to be an outlet of relief for him, wasn't, just guilt for more pain that he caused me.  

So his plan to go away again for 1-3 months and stay with his friend out of town is to get help with a program that helps those who have been laid off to start a new career. He also want to look at University options there. Why he can't do that here is beyond my understanding but all I can do is show him all my love and support because deep down all I truly want is for him to be happy.    

Surprisingly enough in these past few weeks I have become closer to God and in sharing this revelation with Allen it made him happy. I am more centered and focused now.